DEAREST CREATURE IN CREATION

Dearest Creature in creation Studying English pronunciation, I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse. I will keep you, Susy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy; Tear in eye your dress you'll tear; Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer. Pray, console your loving poet, Make my coat look new, dear sew it! Just compare heart, beard and heard, Dies and diet, Lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain (Mind the latter how it is written); Made has not the sound of bade, Say, said, pay, laid but not plaid. Now I surely will not plague you With such words as vague and ague, But be careful how you speak, Say gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak, Previous, precious, fuchsia, via, Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir, Woven, oven, how and low, Script, receipts, shoe, poem, toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore Typhoid, measles, topsail, aisles Exiles, similes, reviles, Holy, holly, signal, signing Same, examining but mining Scholar, vicar, but cigar, Solar, mica, war, and far, From “desire” desirable, admirable from “admire”, Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier, Topsham, Brougham, renown, but known. Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone, One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel, Gertrude, German, wind, and mind Scene, Melpomene, mankind, tortoise, Turquoise, Chamois-leather Reading, Reading, heathen, heather, This phonetic labyrinth Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth. Billet does not end like ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like wood, Nor is mould, like should and could. Banquet is not nearly parquet, Which doesn’t exactly rhyme with khaki. Discount, viscount, load and broad, Towards, to forward, to reward, Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet? Right! Your pronunciation’s O.K.

dɪəɾəst kɾiːtʃə in kɾieiʃən stʌdiːiŋ ɪŋlɪʃ prənʊnsieiʃən ai wil tiːtʃ juː in mai vɜːs saʊnz laik kɔːps kɔː hɔːs ənd wɜːs ai wil kiːp juː suzi bizi meik jɔː hed wið hiːt ɡɾəʊ diziː tiə in ai jɔː dres jəl teə kwiə feə siə hiə mai preə prei kənsəʊl jɔː lʌviŋ pəʊət meik mai kəʊt lʊk njuːw diə səʊ(w) it ʤʌst kəmpeə haːt biəd ənd hɜːd daiz ənd daiət lɔːd and wɜːd sɔːd ənd swɔːd ritein ənd britən maind ðə lætə haʊ it iz ritən meid həz nɒt ðə saʊnd əv bæd sei sed pei leid bʌt nɒt plæd naʊ ai ʃɔːli wil nɒt pleig ju wið sʌtʃ wɜːdz əz veig ənd eigju bʌt biː keəfʊl haʊ ju spiːk sei gʌʃ bʊʃ steik striːk breik bliːk priːviəs preʃəs fʊkʃiə vaiə resipiː paip stʊnsei kwaiə wəʊvən ʌvən haʊ ənd ləʊ skript risiːts ʃuː pəʊim təʊ hiə miː sei divɔid əv trikəri dɔːtə laːftəˑnd tepsikari taifɔid miːzəlz tɒpsəl ailz eksailz similiːz rivailz həʊli hɒli signəl sainiŋ seim iksæminiŋ bʌt mainiŋ skɒlə vikə bʌt sigaː səʊlə maikə wɔː(r) ənd faː frəm dizaiə dəzairəb(ə)l ədmaiɾəb(ə)l frəm ədmaiə lʌɱbə plʌmə biə bʌt briər tɒpʃəm brau(w)əm rinaʊn bʌt nəʊn nɒliʤ dʌn ləʊn gɒn nʌn təʊn wʌn ænemoni bælmɒrəl kitʃin litʃən lɔːndri lɒrəl gɜːtruːd ʤɜːmən wind ənd maind siːn melpɒməni mænkaind tɔːtəs tɜːkwɔiz ʃæmwʌ leðə riːdiŋ rediŋ hiːðən heðə ðis fənetik læbərinθ givz mɒs grəʊz brʊk brəʊtʃ nainθ plinθ bilet dʌz nɒt end laik balei buːkei wɒlit mælit ʃælei blʌd ənd flʌd aː nɒt laik wʊd nɔː(r) iz məʊld laik ʃʊd ənd kud bænkwit iz nɒt nɪɘliː paːkei witʃ dʌzənt igsækli raim wið kaːki diskaʊnt viskaʊnt ləʊd ənd brɔːd təwəːdz tə fɔːwəd tə riwɔːd rikəʃeid ənd krɒtʃətiŋ krəʊkei rait jɔː prənʊnsieiʃənz əʊ kei