Rules
that concern All Servants in general.
WHEN
your
Master or Lady call a Servant by Name, if that Servant be not in the
Way, none
of you are to answer, for then there will be no End of your Drudgery:
And
Masters themselves allow, that if a Servant comes when he is called, it
is
sufficient.
When
you have
done a Fault, be always pert and insolent, and behave your self as if
you were
the injured Person; this will immediately put your Master or Lady off
their
Mettle.
If
you see
your Master wronged by any of your Fellow-servants, be sure to conceal
it, for
fear of being called a Tell-tale: However, there is one Exception, in
case of a
favourite Servant, who is justly hated by the whole Family; you are
therefore
bound in Prudence to lay all the Faults you can upon the Favourite.
The
Cook, the
Butler, the Groom, the Market-man, and every other Servant who is
concerned in
the Expenses of the Family, should act as if his Master's whole Estate
ought to
be applied to that Servant's particular Business. For Instance, if the
Cook
computes his Master's Estate to be a thousand Pounds a Year, he
reasonably
concludes that a thousand Pounds a Year will afford Meat enough, and
therefore,
he need not be sparing; the Butler makes the same Judgment, so may the
Groom and
the Coachman, and thus every Branch of Expense will be filled to your
Master's
Honour.
When
you are
chid before Company, (which with Submission to our Masters and Ladies
is an
unmannerly Practice) it often happens that some Stranger will have the
Good-nature to drop a Word in your Excuse; in such a Case, you will
have a good
Title to justify yourself, and may rightly conclude, that whenever he
chides you
afterwards on other Occasions, he may be in the wrong; in which Opinion
you will
be the more confirmed by stating the Case to your Fellow-servants in
your own
Way, who will certainly decide in your Favour: Therefore, as I have
said before,
whenever you are chidden, complain as if you were injured.
It
often
happens that Servants sent on Messages, are apt to stay out somewhat
longer than
the Message requires, perhaps, two, four, six, or eight Hours, or some
such
Trifle, for the Temptation to be sure was great, and Flesh and Blood
cannot
always resist: When you return, the Master storms, the Lady scolds;
stripping,
cudgelling, and turning off, is the Word: But here you ought to be
provided with
a Set of Excuses, enough to serve on all Occasions: For Instance, your
Uncle
came fourscore Miles to Town this Morning, on purpose to see you, and
goes back
by Break of Day To-morrow: A Brother-Servant that borrowed Money of you
when he
was out of Place, was running away to Ireland: You were taking
Leave of
an old Fellow-Servant, who was shipping for Barbados: Your
Father sent a
Cow to you to sell, and you could not find a Chapman till Nine at
Night: You
were taking Leave of a dear Cousin who is to be hanged next
Saturday: You
wrenched your Foot against a Stone, and were forced to stay three Hours
in a
Shop, before you could stir a Step: Some Nastiness was thrown on you
out of a
Garret Window, and you were ashamed to come Home before you were
cleaned, and
the Smell went off: You were pressed for the Sea-service, and carried
before a
Justice of Peace, who kept you three Hours before he examined you, and
you got
off with much a-do: A Bailiff by mistake seized you for a Debtor, and
kept you
the whole Evening in a Spunging-house: You were told your Master had
gone to a
Tavern, and came to some Mischance, and your grief was so great that you
inquired for his Honour in a hundred Taverns between Pall-mall
and Temple-bar.
Take
all
Tradesmen's Parts against your Master, and when you are sent to buy any
Thing,
never offer to cheapen it, but generously pay the full Demand. This is
highly to
your Master's Honour; and may be some Shillings in your Pocket; and you
are to
consider, if your Master hath paid too much, he can better afford the
Loss than
a poor Tradesman.
Never
submit
to stir a Finger in any Business but that for which you were
particularly hired.
For Example, if the Groom be drunk or absent, and the Butler be ordered
to shut
the Stable Door, the Answer is ready, An please your Honour, I don't
understand
Horses: If a Corner of the Hanging wants a single Nail to fasten it,
and the
Footman be directed to tack it up, he may say, he doth not understand
that Sort
of Work, but his Honour may send for the Upholsterer.
Masters and
Ladies are usually quarrelling with the Servants for not shutting the
Doors
after them: But neither Masters nor Ladies consider that those Doors
must be
open before they can be shut, and that the Labour is double to open and
shut the
Doors; therefore the best and shortest, and easiest Way is to do
neither. But if
you are so often teased to shut the Door, that you cannot easily forget
it, then
give the Door such a Clap as you go out, as will shake the whole Room,
and make
every Thing rattle in it, to put your Master and Lady in Mind that you
observe
their Directions.
If
you find
yourself to grow into Favour with your Master or Lady, take some
Opportunity, in
a very mild Way, to give them Warning, and when they ask the Reason,
and seem
loth to part with you, answer that you would rather live with them,
than any
Body else, but a poor Servant is not to be blamed if he strives to
better
himself; that Service is no Inheritance, that your Work is great, and
your Wages
very small: Upon which, if your Master hath any Generosity, he will add
five or
ten Shillings a Quarter rather than let you go: But, if you are
baulked, and
have no Mind to go off, get some Fellow-servant to tell your Master,
that he had
prevailed upon you to stay.
Whatever good
Bits you can pilfer in the Day, save them to junket with your Fellow-
servants at
Night, and take in the Butler, provided he will give you Drink.
Write
your own
Name and your Sweet-heart's with the Smoke of a Candle on the Roof of
the
Kitchen, or the Servants Hall, to show your Learning.
If
you are a
young sightly Fellow, whenever you whisper your Mistress at the Table,
run your
Nose full in her Cheek, or if your Breath be good, breathe full in her
Face;
this I have known to have had very good Consequences in some Families.
Never
come
till you have been called three or four Times; for none but Dogs will
come at
the first Whistle: And when the Master calls (Who's there?) no
Servant is
bound to come; for (Who's there) is no Body's Name.
When
you have
broken all your earthen Drinking Vessels below Stairs (which is usually
done in
a Week) the Copper Pot will do as well; it can boil Milk, heat
Porridge, hold
Small-Beer, or in Case of Necessity serve for a Jordan; therefore apply
it
indifferently to all these Uses; but never wash or scour it, for Fear
of taking
off the Tin.
Although you
are allowed Knives for the Servants Hall, at Meals, yet you ought to
spare them,
and make Use only of your Master's.
Let
it be a
constant Rule, that no Chair, Stool or Table in the Servants Hall, or
the
Kitchen, shall have above three Legs, which hath been the ancient, and
constant
Practice in all the Families I ever knew, and is said to be founded
upon two
Reasons; first to show that Servants are ever in a tottering Condition;
secondly, it was thought a Point of Humility, that the Servants Chairs
and
Tables should have at least one Leg fewer than those of their Masters.
I grant
there hath been an Exception to this Rule, with regard to the Cook, who
by old
Custom was allowed an easy Chair to sleep in after Dinner; and yet I
have seldom
seen them with above three Legs. Now this epidemical Lameness of
Servants Chairs
is by Philosophers imputed to two Causes, which are observed to make the
greatest Revolutions in States and Empires; I mean Love and War. A
Stool, a
Chair or a Table is the first Weapon taken up in a general Romping or
Skirmish;
and after a Peace, the Chairs if they be not very strong, are apt to
suffer in
the Conduct of an Amour, the Cook being usually fat and heavy, and the
Butler a
little in Drink.
I
could never
endure to see Maid-Servants so ungenteel as to walk the Streets with
their
Petticoats pinned up; it is a foolish Excuse to allege, their
Petticoats will be
dirty, when they have so easy a Remedy as to walk three or four times
down a
clean Pair of Stairs after they come home.
When
you stop
to tattle with some crony Servant in the same Street, leave your own
Street-Door
open, that you may get in without knocking, when you come back;
otherwise your
Mistress may know you are gone out, and you must be chidden.
I do
most
earnestly exhort you all to Unanimity and Concord. But mistake me not:
You may
quarrel with each other as much as you please, only bear in Mind that
you have a
common Enemy, which is your Master and Lady, and you have a common
Cause to
defend. Believe an old Practitioner; whoever out of Malice to a Fellow-
Servant,
carries a Tale to his Master, should be ruined by a general Confederacy
against
him.
The
general
Place of Rendezvous for all the Servants, both in Winter and Summer, is
the
Kitchen; there the grand Affairs of the Family ought to be consulted;
whether
they concern the Stable, the Dairy, the Pantry, the Laundry, the
Cellar, the
Nursery, the Dining-room, or my Lady's Chamber: There, as in your own
proper
Element, you can laugh, and squall, and romp, in full Security.
When
any
Servant comes home drunk, and cannot appear, you must all join in
telling your
Master, that he is gone to Bed very sick; upon which your Lady will be
so
good-natured, as to order some comfortable Thing for the poor Man, or
Maid.
When
your
Master and Lady go abroad together, to Dinner, or to Visit for the
Evening, you
need leave only one Servant in the House, unless you have a Black-guard-
boy to
answer at the Door, and attend the Children, if there be any. Who is to
stay at
home is to be determined by short and long Cuts, and the Stayer at home
may be
comforted by a Visit from a Sweet-heart, without Danger of being caught
together. These Opportunities must never be missed, because they come
but
sometimes; and you are always safe enough while there is a Servant in
the House.
When
your
Master or Lady comes home, and wants a Servant, who happens to be
abroad, your
Answer must be, that he but just that Minute stepped out, being sent
for by a
Cousin who was dying.
If
your Master
calls you by Name, and you happen to answer at the fourth Call, you
need not
hurry yourself; and if you be chidden for staying, you may lawfully
say, you
came no sooner, because you did not know what you were called for.
When
you are
chidden for a Fault, as you go out of the Room, and down Stairs, mutter
loud
enough to be plainly heard; this will make him believe you are
innocent.
Whoever comes
to visit your Master or Lady when they are abroad, never burthen your
Memory
with the Person's Name, for indeed you have too many other Things to
remember.
Besides it is a Porter's Business, and your Master's Fault he doth not
keep one,
and who can remember Names; and you will certainly mistake them, and
you can
neither write nor read.
If it
be
possible, never tell a Lie to your Master or Lady, unless you have some
Hopes
that they cannot find it out in less than half an Hour. When a Servant
is turned
off, all his Faults must be told, although most of them were never
known by his
Master or Lady; and all Mischiefs done by others, charge to him.
(Instance
them.) And when they ask any of you, why you never acquainted them
before? The
Answer is, Sir, or Madam, really I was afraid it would make you angry;
and
besides perhaps you might think it was Malice in me. Where there are
little
Masters and Misses in a House, they are usually great Impediments to the
Diversions of the Servants; the only Remedy is to bribe them with Goody
Goodyes,
that they may not tell Tales to Papa and Mamma.
I
advise you
of the Servants, whose Master lives in the Country, and who expect
Vales, always
to stand Rank and File when a Stranger is taking his Leave; so that he
must of
Necessity pass between you; and he must have more Confidence, or less
Money than
usual, if any of you let him escape, and according as he behaves
himself,
remember to treat him the next Time he comes.
If
you are
sent with ready Money to buy any Thing at a Shop, and happen at that
Time to be
out of Pocket, sink the Money and take up the Goods on your Master's
Account.
This is for the Honour of your Master and yourself; for he becomes a
Man of
Credit at your Recommendation.
When
your Lady
sends for you up to her Chamber, to give you any Orders, be sure to
stand at the
Door, and keep it open fiddling with the Lock all the while she is
talking to
you, and keep the Button in your Hand for fear you should forget to
shut the
Door after you.
If
your Master
or Lady happen once in their Lives to accuse you wrongfully, you are a
happy
Servant, for you have nothing more to do, than for every Fault you
commit while
you are in their Service, to put them in Mind of that false Accusation,
and
protest yourself equally innocent in the present Case.
When
you have
a Mind to leave your Master, and are too bashful to break the Matter
for fear of
offending him, the best way is to grow rude and saucy of a sudden, and
beyond
your usual Behaviour, till he finds it necessary to turn you off, and
when you
are gone, to revenge yourself, give him and his Lady such a Character
to all
your Brother-servants, who are out of Place, that none will venture to
offer
their Service.
Some
nice
Ladies who are afraid of catching Cold, having observed that the Maids
and
Fellows below Stairs, often forget to shut the Door after them as they
come in
or go out into the back Yards, have contrived that a Pulley and a Rope
with a
large Piece of Lead at the End, should be so fixed as to make the Door
shut of
itself, and require a strong Hand to open it, which is an immense Toil
to
Servants, whose Business may force them to go in and out fifty Times in
a
Morning: But Ingenuity can do much, for prudent Servants have found out
an
effectual Remedy against this insupportable Grievance, by tying up the
Pully in
such a Manner, that the Weight of the Lead shall have no Effect;
however, as to
my own Part, I would rather choose to keep the Door always open, by
laying a
heavy Stone at the Bottom of it.
The
Servants
Candlesticks are generally broken, for nothing can last for ever. But
you may
find out many Expedients: You may conveniently stick your Candle in a
Bottle, or
with a Lump of Butter against the Wainscot, in a Powderhorn, or in an
old Shoe,
or in a cleft Stick, or in the Barrel of a Pistol, or upon its own
Grease on a
Table, in a Coffee Cup or a Drinking Glass, a Horn Can, a Tea Pot, a
Twisted
Napkin, a Mustard Pot, an Inkhorn, a Marrowbone, a Piece of Dough, or
you may
cut a Hole in the Loaf, and stick it there.
When
you
invite the neighbouring Servants to junket with you at home in an
Evening, teach
them a peculiar way of tapping or scraping at the Kitchen Window, which
you may
hear, but not your Master or Lady, whom you must take Care not to
disturb or
frighten at such unseasonable Hours.
Lay
all Faults
upon a Lap-Dog or favourite Cat, a Monkey, a Parrot, a Child, or on the
Servant
who was last turned off: By this Rule you will excuse yourself, do no
Hurt to
any Body else, and save your Master or Lady from the Trouble and
Vexation of
chiding.
When
you want
proper Instruments for any Work you are about, use all Expedients you
can
invent, rather than leave your Work undone. For Instance, if the Poker
be out of
the Way or broken, stir up the Fire with the Tongs; if the Tongs be not
at Hand,
use the Muzzle of the Bellows, the wrong End of the Fire Shovel, the
Handle of
the Fire Brush, the End of a Mop, or your Master's Cane. If you want
Paper to
singe a Fowl, tear the first Book you see about the House. Wipe your
Shoes, for
want of a Clout, with the Bottom of a Curtain, or a Damask Napkin.
Strip your
Livery Lace for Garters. If the Butler wants a Jordan, he may use the
great
Silver Cup.
There
are
several Ways of putting out Candles, and you ought to be instructed in
them all:
you may run the Candle End against the Wainscot, which puts the Snuff
out
immediately: You may lay it on the Floor, and tread the Snuff out with
your
Foot: You may hold it upside down until it is choked with its own
Grease; or
cram it into the Socket of the Candlestick: You may whirl it round in
your Hand
till it goes out: When you go to Bed, after you have made Water, you
may dip the
Candle End into the Chamber Pot: You may spit on your Finger and Thumb,
and
pinch the Snuff until it goes out: The Cook may run the Candle's Nose
into the
Meal Tub or the Groom into a Vessel of Oats, or a Lock of Hay, or a
Heap of
Litter: The House-maid may put out her Candle by running it against a
Looking-glass, which nothing cleans so well as Candle Snuff: But the
quickest
and best of all Methods, is to blow it out with your Breath, which
leaves the
Candle clear and readier to be lighted.
There
is
nothing so pernicious in a Family as a Tell-Tale, against whom it must
be the
principal Business of you all to unite: Whatever Office he serves in,
take all
Opportunities to spoil the Business he is about, and to cross him in
every
Thing. For Instance, if the Butler be the Tell-Tale, break his Glasses
whenever
he leaves the Pantry Door open: or lock the Cat or the Mastiff in it,
who will
do as well: Mislay a Fork or a Spoon so as he may never find it. If it
be the
Cook, whenever she turns her Back, throw a Lump of Soot, or a Handful
of Salt in
the Pot, or smoking Coals into the Dripping-Pan, or daub the roast Meat
with the
Back of the Chimney, or hide the Key of the Jack. If a Footman be
suspected, let
the Cook daub the Back of his new Livery; or when he is going up with a
Dish of
Soup, let her follow him softly with a Ladle-full, and dribble it all
the Way up
Stairs to the Dining-room, and then let the House-maid make such a
Noise, that
her Lady may hear it: The Waitingmaid is very likely to be guilty of
this Fault,
in hopes to ingratiate herself. In this Case, the Laundress must be
sure to tear
her Smocks in the washing, and yet wash them but half; and, when she
complains,
tell all the House that she sweats so much, that her Flesh is so nasty,
that she
fouls a Smock more in one Hour than the Kitchen-maid doth in a Week.