SUMMARY :The Author sent for to Court. The Queen buys him of his Master the Farmer, and presents him to the King. He disputes with his Majesty's great Scholars. An Apartment at Court provided for the Author. He is in high Favour with the Queen. He stands up for the Honour of his own Country. His Quarrels with the Queen's Dwarf.

   The frequent Labours I underwent every Day made in a few Weeks a very considerable change in my Health: The more
my Master got by me, the more unsatiable he grew. I had quite lost my Stomach, and was almost reduced to a Skeleton.
The Farmer observed it, and concluding I soon must dye, resolved to make as good a Hand of me as he could. While he
was thus reasoning and resolving with himself, a Slardral, or Gentleman Usher came from Court, commanding my Master
to carry me immediately thither for the Diversion of the Queen and her Ladies. Some of the latter had already been to see
me, and reported strange Things of my Beauty, Behaviour, and good Sense. Her Majesty and those who attended her were
beyond Measure delighted with my Demeanor. I fell on my Knees, and begged the Honour of kissing her Imperial foot; but
this gracious Princess held out her little Finger towards me (after I was set on a Table) which I embraced in both my Arms,
and put the tip of it, with the utmost respect, to my Lip. She made me some general Questions about my Country and my
Travels, which I answer'd as distinctly and in as few Words as I could. She asked whether I would be content to live at
Court. I bowed down to the board of the Table, and humbly answered, that I was my Master's Slave, but if I were at my
own Disposal, I should be proud to devote my Life to her Majesty's Service. She then asked my Master whether he were
willing to sell me at a good Price. He who apprehended I could not live a Month, was ready enough to part with me, and
demanded a thousand pieces of Gold, which were ordered him on the spot, each piece being about the bigness of eight
hundred Moydores; but, allowing for the proportion of all Things between that Country and Europe, and the high Price of
Gold among them, was hardly so great a sum as a thousand Guineas would be in England. I then said to the Queen, since I
was now her Majesty's most humble Creature and Vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch, who had always
tended me with so much care and kindness, and understood to do it so well, might be admitted into her Service, and
continue to be my Nurse and Instructor. Her Majesty agreed to my Petition, and easily got the Farmer's consent, who was
glad enough to have his Daughter preferred at Court: and the poor Girl herself was not able to hide her Joy: My late Master
withdrew, bidding me farewell, and saying he had left me in a good Service; to which I replied not a Word, only making him
a slight bow.

The Queen observed my coldness, and when the Farmer was gone out of the Apartment, asked me the reason. I made
bold to tell her Majesty that I owed no other Obligation to my late Master, than his not dashing out the Brains of a poor
harmless Creature found by chance in his Field; which Obligation was amply recompensed by the gain he had made in
shewing me through half the Kingdom, and the price he had now sold me for. That the Life I had since led, was laborious
enough to kill an Animal of ten times my Strength. That my Health was much impaired by the continual drudgery of
entertaining the Rabble every hour of the Day, and that if my Master had not thought my Life in Danger, her Majesty
perhaps would not have got so cheap a Bargain. But as I was out of all Fear of being ill treated under the Protection of so
great and good an Empress, the Ornament of Nature, the Darling of the World, the Delight of her Subjects, the Phoenix of
the Creation; so, I hoped my late Master's apprehensions would appear to be groundless, for I already found my Spirits to
revive by the Influence of her most August Presence.

This was the sum of my Speech, delivered with great Improprieties and Hesitation; the latter part was altogether framed in
the Style peculiar to that People, whereof I learned some Phrases from Glumdalclitch, while she was carrying me to
Court.

The Queen giving great Allowance for my Defectiveness in speaking, was however surprised at so much Wit and good
Sense in so diminutive an Animal. She took me in her own Hands, and carried me to the King, who was then retired to his
Cabinet. His Majesty, a Prince of much Gravity, and austere Countenance, not well observing my Shape at first View,
asked the Queen after a cold manner, how long it was since she grew fond of a Splacknuck; for such it seems he took me
to be, as I lay upon my Breast in her Majesty's right Hand. But this Princess, who has an infinite deal of Wit and Humour,
set me gently on my Feet upon the Scrutore, and commanded me to give his Majesty an Account of my self, which I did in
a very few Words; and Glumdalclitch, who attended at the Cabinet door, and could not endure I should be out of her
sight, being admitted, confirmed all that had passed from my Arrival at her Father's House.

The King, although he be as learned a Person as any in his Dominions, and had been educated in the Study of Philosophy,
and particularly Mathematicks; yet when he observed my Shape exactly, and saw me walk erect, before I began to speak,
conceived I might be a Piece of Clock-work, (which is in that Country arrived to a very great Perfection), contrived by
some ingenious Artist. But when he heard my Voice, and found what I delivered to be regular and rational, he could not
conceal his Astonishment. He was by no means satisfied with the Relation I gave him of the Manner I came into his
Kingdom, but thought it a Story concerted between Glumdalclitch and her Father, who had taught me a Set of Words to
make me sell at a higher Price. Upon this Imagination he put several other Questions to me, and still received rational
Answers, no otherwise defective than by a foreign Accent, and an imperfect Knowledge in the Language, with some rustick
Phrases which I had learned at the Farmer's House, and did not suit the polite Stile of a Court.

His Majesty sent for three great Scholars who were then in their Weekly waiting (according to the Custom in that Country).
These Gentlemen, after they had a while examined my Shape with much Nicety, were of different Opinions concerning me.
They all agreed that I could not be produced according to the regular Laws of Nature, because I was not framed with a
Capacity of preserving my Life, either by Swiftness, or climbing of Trees, or digging Holes in the Earth. They observed by
my Teeth, which they viewed with great Exactness, that I was a carnivorous Animal; yet most Quadrupeds being an
Overmatch for me, and Field-Mice, with some others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be able to support
my self, unless I fed upon Snails and other Insects, which they offered, by many learned Arguments, to evince that I could
not possibly do. One of these Virtuosi seemed to think that I might be an Embrio, or abortive Birth. But this Opinion was
rejected by the other two, who observed my Limbs to be perfect and finished, and that I had lived several Years, as it was
manifested from my Beard, the Stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a Magnifying-Glass. They would not allow
me to be a Dwarf, because my littleness was beyond all Degrees of Comparison; for the Queen's favourite Dwarf, the
smallest ever known in that Kingdom, was near thirty Foot high. After much Debate, they concluded unanimously that I was
only Relplum Scalcath, which is interpreted literally, Lusus Naturæ; a determination exactly agreeable to the modern
Philosophy of Europe, whose Professors, disdaining the old Evasion of occult Causes, whereby the followers of Artistotle
endeavour in vain to disguise their Ignorance, have invented this wonderful Solution of all Difficulties, to the unspeakable
Advancement of human Knowledge.

After this decisive Conclusion, I entreated to be heard a Word or two. I applied my self to the King, and assured his
Majesty that I came from a Country which abounded with several Millions of both Sexes, and of my own Stature; where
the Animals, Trees, and Houses were all in Proportion, and where by consequence I might be as able to defend my self,
and to find Sustenance, as any of his Majesty's Subjects could do here; which I took for a full Answer to those Gentlemens
Arguments. To this they only replied with a Smile of Contempt, saying that the Farmer had instructed me very well in my
Lesson. The King, who had a much better Understanding, dismissing his learned Men, sent for the Farmer, who by good
Fortune was not yet gone out of Town. Having therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him with me and
the young Girl, his Majesty began to think that what we told him might possibly be true. He desired the Queen to order that
a particular Care should be taken of me, and was of Opinion that Glumdalclitch should still continue in her Office of
tending me, because he observed we had a great Affection for each other. A convenient Apartment was provided for her at
Court; she had a sort of Governess appointed to take care of her Education, a Maid to dress her, and two other Servants
for menial Offices; but the Care of me was wholly appropriated to her self. The Queen commanded her own
Cabinet-maker to contrive a Box that might serve me for a Bed-chamber, after the Model that Glumdalclitch and I should
agree upon. This Man was a most ingenious Artist, and according to my Directions, in three Weeks finished for me a
wooden Chamber of sixteen Foot square, and twelve high, with Sash-windows, a Door, and two Closets, like a London
Bed-chamber. The Board that made the Cieling was to be lifted up and down by two Hinges, to put in a Bed ready
furnished by her Majesty's Upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every Day to air, made it with her own Hands, and
letting it down at Night, locked up the Roof over me. A nice Workman, who was famous for little Curiosities, undertook to
make me two Chairs, with Backs and Frames, of a Substance not unlike Ivory, and two Tables, with a Cabinet to put my
Things in. The Room was quilted on all Sides, as well as the Floor and the Cieling, to prevent any Accident from the
Carelessness of those who carried me, and to break the Force of a Jolt when I went in a Coach. I desired a Lock for my
Door, to prevent Rats and Mice from coming in: The Smith, after several Attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen
among them, for I have known a larger at the Gate of a Gentleman's House in England. I made a shift to keep the Key in a
Pocket of my own, fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it. The Queen likewise ordered the thinnest Silks that could be gotten,
to make me Cloaths, not much thicker than an English Blanket, very cumbersome till I was accustomed to them. They
were after the Fashion of the Kingdom, partly resembling the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a very grave and
decent Habit.

The Queen became so fond of my Company, that she could not dine without me. I had a Table placed upon the same at
which her Majesty eat, just at her left Elbow, and a Chair to sit on. Glumdalclitch stood upon a Stool on the Floor, near
my Table, to assist and take care of me. I had an entire Set of silver Dishes and Plates, and other Necessaries, which in
Proportion to those of the Queen, were not much bigger than what I have seen of the same kind in a London Toys-shop,
for the Furniture of a Baby-house: These my little Nurse kept in her Pocket in a silver Box, and gave me at Meals as I
wanted them, always cleaning them her self. No Person dined with the Queen but the two Princesses Royal, the elder
sixteen Years old, and the younger at that time thirteen and a Month. Her Majesty used to put a Bit of Meat upon one of
my Dishes, out of which I carved for my self; and her Diversion was to see me eat in Miniature. For the Queen (who had
indeed but a weak Stomach) took up at one Mouthful as much as a dozen English Farmers could eat at a Meal, which to
me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would craunch the Wing of a Lark, Bones and all, between her Teeth,
although it were nine times as large as that of a full grown Turkey; and put a Bit of Bread into her mouth, as big as two
twelve-penny Loaves. She drank, out of a golden Cup, above a Hogshead at a Draught. Her Knives were twice as long as
a Scythe, set strait upon the Handle. The Spoons, Forks, and other Instruments were all in the same Proportion. I
remember when Glumdalclitch carried me out of curiosity to see some of the Tables at Court, where ten or a dozen of
these enormous Knives and Forks were lifted up together, I thought I had never till then, beheld so terrible a Sight.

It is the Custom that every Wednesday (which, as I have before observed, was their Sabbath) the King and Queen, with
the Royal Issue of both Sexes, dine together in the Apartment of his Majesty, to whom I was now become a great
Favourite; and at these times my little Chair and Table were placed at his left Hand, before one of the Saltsellers. This
Prince took a Pleasure in conversing with me, enquiring into the Manners, Religion, Laws, Government, and Learning of
Europe; wherein I gave him the best Account I was able. His Apprehension was so clear, and his Judgment so exact, that
he made very wise Reflexions and Observations upon all I said. But, I confess, that after I had been a little too copious in
talking of my own beloved Country, of our Trade, and Wars by Sea and Land, of our Schisms in Religion, and Parties in
the State; the Prejudices of his Education prevailed so far, that he could not forbear taking me up in his Right Hand, and
stroaking me gently with the other, after an hearty Fit of laughing, asked me whether I were a Whig or a Tory. Then turning
to his first Minister, who waited behind him with a white Staff, near as tall as the main-mast of the Royal Sovereign, he
observed how contemptible a thing was human Grandeur, which could be mimicked by such diminutive Insects as I: And
yet, said he, I dare engage, these Creatures have their Titles and Distinctions of Honour, they contrive little Nests and
Burrows, that they call Houses and Cities; they make a Figure in Dress and Equipage; they love, they fight, they dispute,
they cheat, they betray. And thus he continued on, while my Colour came and went several times with Indignation to hear
our noble Country, the Mistress of Arts and Arms, the Scourge of France, the Arbitress of Europe, the Seat of Virtue,
Piety, Honour and Truth, the Pride and Envy of the World, so contemptuously treated.

But as I was not in a Condition to resent injuries, so, upon mature Thoughts, I began to doubt whether I was injured or no.
For, after having been accustomed several Months to the Sight and Converse of this People, and observed every Object
upon which I cast mine Eyes to be of proportionable Magnitude, the Horror I had first conceived from their Bulk and
Aspect was so far worn off, that if I had then beheld a Company of English Lords and Ladies in their Finery and Birth-day
Cloaths, acting their several Parts in the most courtly manner, of strutting, and bowing, and prating; to say the Truth, I
should have been strongly tempted to laugh as much at them as the King and his Grandees did at me. Neither indeed could
I forbear smiling at my self, when the Queen used to place me upon her Hand towards a Looking-glass, by which both our
Persons appeared before me in full View together; and there could nothing be more ridiculous than the Comparison: So that
I really began to imagine myself Dwindled many Degrees below my usual Size.

Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the Queen's Dwarf, who being of the lowest Stature that was ever that
Country (for I verily think he was not thirty Foot high) became insolent at seeing a Creature so much beneath him, that he
would always affect to swagger and look big as he passed by me in the Queen's Antichamber, while I was standing on
some Table talking with the Lords or Ladies of the Court, and he seldom failed of a small Word or two upon my Littleness;
against which I could only revenge my self by calling him Brother, challenging him to wrestle, and such Repartees as are
usual in the Mouths of Court Pages. One Day at Dinner this malicious little Cubb was so nettled with something I had said
to him, that raising himself upon the Frame of her Majesty's Chair, he took me up by the Middle, as I was sitting down, not
thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large silver Bowl of Cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell over
Head and Ears, and if I had not been a good Swimmer, it might have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that
Instant happened to be at the other End of the Room, and the Queen was in such a Fright that she wanted Presence of
Mind to assist me. But my little Nurse ran to my Relief, and took me out, after I had swallowed above a Quart of Cream. I
was put to Bed; however, I received no other Damage than the Loss of a Suit of Cloaths, which was utterly spoiled. The
Dwarf was soundly whipped, and as a farther Punishment, forced to drink up the Bowl of Cream, into which he had thrown
me; neither was he ever restored to Favour; For soon after the Queen bestowed him to a Lady of high Quality, so that I
saw him no more, to my very great Satisfaction; for I could not tell to what Extremity such a malicious Urchin might have
carried his Resentment.

He had before served me a scurvy Trick, which set the Queen a laughing, although at the same Time she was heartily
vexed, and would have immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous as to intercede. Her Majesty had taken a
Marrow-bone upon her plate, and after knocking out the Marrow, placed the Bone again in the Dish erect as it stood
before; the Dwarf watching his Opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone to the Sideboard, mounted upon the Stool she
stood on to take care of me at Meals, took me up in both Hands, and squeezing my Legs together, wedged them into the
Marrow-bone above my Wast, where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous Figure. I believe it was near a
Minute before any one knew what was become of me, for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as Princes seldom get their
Meat hot, my Legs were not scalded, only my Stockings and Breeches in a sad Condition. The Dwarf, at my Entreaty, had
no other Punishment than a sound whipping.

I was frequently rallied by the Queen upon account of my Fearfulness, and she used to ask me whether the People of my
Country were as great Cowards as my self? The Occasion was this. The Kingdom is much pestered with Flies in Summer;
and these odious Insects, each of them as big as a Dunstable Lark, hardly gave me any Rest while I sat at Dinner, with
their continual humming and buzzing about mine Ears. They would sometimes alight upon my Victuals, and leave their
loathsome Excrement or Spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the Natives of that Country, whose
large Opticks were not so acute as mine in viewing smaller Objects. Sometimes they would fix upon my Nose or Forehead,
where they stung me to the Quick, smelling very offensively, and I could easily trace that viscous Matter, which our
Naturalists tell us enables those Creatures to walk with their Feet upwards upon a Cieling. I had much ado to defend my
self against these detestable Animals, and could not forbear starting when they came on my Face. It was the common
Practice of the Dwarf to catch a number of these Insects in his Hand, as School-boys do among us, and let them out
suddenly under my Nose on purpose to frighten me, and divert the Queen. My Remedy was to cut them in Pieces with my
Knife as they flew in the Air, wherein my Dexterity was much admired.

I remember one Morning when Glumdalclitch had set me in my Box upon a Window, as she usually did in fair Days to
give me Air (for I durst not venture to let the Box be hung on a Nail out of the Window, as we do with Cages in England)
after I had lifted up one of my Sashes, and sat down at my Table to eat a Piece of Sweet Cake for my Breakfast, above
twenty Wasps, allured by the smell, came flying into the Room, humming louder than the Drones of as many Bagpipes.
Some of them seized my Cake, and carried it piece-meal away, others flew about my Head and Face, confounding me with
the Noise, and putting me in the utmost terror of their Stings. However I had the Courage to rise and draw my Hanger, and
attack them in the Air. I dispatched four of them, but the rest got away, and I presently shut my Window. These Insects
were as large as Partridges; I took out their Stings, found them an Inch and a half long, and as sharp as Needles. I carefully
preserved them all, and having since shown them with some other Curiosities in several parts of Europe; upon my Return to
England I gave three of them to Gresham College, and kept the fourth for my self.