SUMMARY : Several Adventures that happened to the Author. The Execution of a Criminal. The Author shews his Skill in Navigation.

 I  SHOULD have lived happy enough in that Country, if my littleness had not exposed me to several ridiculous and
troublesome Accidents : some of which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into the Gardens of the
Court in my smaller Box, and would sometimes take me out of it and hold me in her Hand, or set me down to walk. I
remember, before the Dwarf left the Queen, he followed us one Day into those Gardens, and my Nurse having set me
down, he and I being close together, near some Dwarf Apple Trees, I must needs shew my Wit by a silly Allusion between
him and the Trees, which happens to hold in their Language as it does in ours. Whereupon, the malicious Rogue watching
his Opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook it directly over my Head, by which a dozen Apples, each of
them near as large as a Bristol Barrel, came tumbling about my Ears; one of them hit me on the Back as I chanced to
stoop, and knocked me down flat on my Face, but I received no other Hurt, and the Dwarf was pardoned at my Desire,
because I had given the Provocation.

Another day Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth Grass-plot to divert my self while she walked at some distance with her
Governess. In the meantime there suddenly fell such a violent shower of Hail, that I was immediately by the force of it
struck to the Ground: And when I was down, the Hail-stones gave me such cruel Bangs all over the Body, as if I had been
pelted with Tennis balls; however I made a shift to creep on all four, and shelter myself by lying flat on my Face on the
Lee-side of a Border of Lemon Thyme, but so bruised from Head to Foot that I could not go abroad in ten Days. Neither
is this at all to be wondered at, because Nature in that Country observing the same Proportion thro' all her Operations, a
hailstone is near eighteen hundred times as large as one in Europe, which I can assert upon Experience, having been so
curious to weigh and measure them.

But, a more dangerous Accident happened to me in the same Garden, when my little Nurse believing she had put me in a
secure Place, which I often entreated her to do, that might enjoy my own Thoughts, and having left my Box at Home to
avoid the Trouble of carrying it, went to another part of the Garden with her Governess and some Ladies of her
acquaintance. While she was absent and out of hearing, a small white Spaniel belonging to one of the chief Gardiners,
having got by Accident into the Garden, happened to range near the Place where I lay. The Dog following the Scent, came
directly up, and taking me in his Mouth, ran strait to his Master, wagging his Tail, and set me gently on the Ground. By
good Fortune he had been so well taught, that I was carried between his Teeth without the least Hurt, or even tearing my
Cloaths. But, the poor Gardiner, who knew me well, and had a great Kindness for me, was in a terrible Fright. He gently
took me up in both his Hands, and asked me how I did; but I was so amazed and out of Breath, that I could not speak a
Word. In a few Minutes I came to my self, and he carried me safe to my little Nurse, who by this time had returned to the
Place where she left me, and was in cruel Agonies when I did not appear, nor answer when she called; she severely
reprimanded the Gardener on Account of his Dog. But, the Thing was hushed up, and never known at Court; for the Girl
was afraid of the Queen's Anger; and truly as to my self, I thought it would not be for my Reputation that such a Story
should go about.

This Accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust me abroad for the future out of her Sight. I had been
long afraid of this Resolution; and therefore concealed from her some little unlucky Adventures that happened in those
Times when I was left by my self. Once a Kite hovering over the Garden, made a Stoop at me, and if I had not resolutely
drawn my Hanger, and run under a thick Espalier, he would have certainly carried me away in his Talons. Another time,
walking to the Top of a fresh Mole-hill, I fell to my Neck in the Hole through which that Animal had cast up the Earth; and
coined some Lye, not worth remembering, to excuse my self for spoiling my Cloaths. I likewise broke my right Shin against
the Shell of a Snail, which I happened to stumble over, as I was walking alone, and thinking on poor England.

I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified, to observe in those solitary Walks, that the smaller birds did not
appear to be at all afraid of me; but would hop about within a Yard Distance, looking for Worms, and other Food with as
much Indifference and Security as if no Creature at all were near them. I remember a Thrush had the Confidence to snatch
out of my Hand with his Bill a Piece of Cake that Glumdalclitch had just given me for my Breakfast. When I attempted to
catch any of these Birds, they would boldly turn against me, endeavouring to pick my Fingers, which I durst not venture
within their reach; and then they would hop back unconcerned to hunt for Worms or Snails, as they did before. But, one
Day I took a thick Cudgel, and threw it with all my Strength so luckily at a Linnet, that I knocked him down, and seizing
him by the Neck with both my Hands, ran with him in Triumph to my Nurse. However, the Bird, who had only been
stunned, recovering himself, gave me so many Boxes with his Wings on both Sides of my Head and Body, though I held
him at Arms Length, and was out of the Reach of his Claws, that I was twenty Times thinking to let him go. But I was soon
relieved by one of our Servants, who wrung off the Bird's Neck; and I had him next Day for Dinner, by the Queen's
Command. This Linnet, as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger than an English Swan.

The Maids of Honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their Apartments, and desired she would bring me along with her, on
Purpose to have the Pleasure of seeing and touching me. They would often strip me naked from Top to Toe, and lay me at
full Length in their Bosoms; wherewith I was much disgusted; because, to say the Truth, a very offensive Smell came from
their Skins; which I do not mention or intend to the Disadvantage of those excellent Ladies, for whom I have all Manner of
Respect; but, I conceive that my Sense was more acute in Proportion to my Littleness, and that those illustrious Persons
were no more disagreeable to their Lovers, or to each other, than People of the same Quality are with us in England. And,
after all, I found their natural Smell was much more supportable than when they used Perfumes, under which I immediately
swooned away. I cannot forget that an intimate Friend of mine in Lilliput took the Freedom in a warm Day, when I had
used a good deal of Exercise, to complain of a strong Smell about me, although I am as little faulty that way as most of my
Sex: But I suppose his Faculty of Smelling was as nice with regard to me, as mine was to that of this People. Upon this
point, I cannot forbear doing Justice to the Queen my Mistress, and Glumdalclitch my Nurse, whose Persons were as
sweet as those of any Lady in England.

That which gave me most Uneasiness among these Maids of Honour, when my Nurse carried me to visit them, was to see
them use me without any manner of Ceremony, like a Creature who had no sort of Consequence. For, they would strip
themselves to the Skin, and put on their Smocks in my Presence, while I was placed on their Toylet directly before their
naked Bodies, which, I am sure, to me was very far from being a tempting Sight, or from giving me any other emotions than
those of Horror and Disgust. Their Skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured, when I saw them near,
with a Mole here and there as broad as a Trencher, and Hairs hanging from it thicker than Pack-threads, to say nothing
further concerning the rest of their Persons. Neither did they at all scruple, while I was by to discharge what they had drunk,
to the Quantity of at least two Hogsheads, in a Vessel that held above three Tuns. The handsomest among these Maids of
Honour, a pleasant frolicksome Girl of Sixteen, would sometimes set me astride upon one of her Nipples, with many other
Tricks, wherein the Reader will excuse me for not being over particular. But I was so much displeased, that I entreated
Glumdalclitch to contrive some Excuse for not seeing that young Lady any more.

One Day, a young Gentleman, who was a Nephew to my Nurse's Governess, came and pressed them both to see an
Execution. It was of a Man who had murdered one of that Gentleman's intimate Acquaintance. Glumdalclitch was
prevailed on to be of the Company, very much against her Inclination, for she was naturally tender-hearted: And, as for my
self, although I abhorred such kind of Spectacles, yet my Curiosity tempted me to see something that I thought must be
extraordinary. The Malefactor was fixed in a Chair upon a Scaffold erected for the Purpose, and his Head cut off at a Blow
with a Sword of about forty Foot long. The Veins and Arteries spouted up such a prodigious Quantity of Blood, and so
high in the Air, that the great Jett d'eau at Versailles was not equal, for the Time it lasted; and the Head, when it fell on the
Scaffold-Floor, gave such a Bounce, as made me start, although I were at least half an English Mile distant.

The Queen, who often used to hear me talk of my Sea-Voyages, and took all Occasions to divert me when I was
melancholy, asked me whether I understood how to handle a Sail, or an Oar, and whether a little Exercise of Rowing might
not be convenient for my Health. I answered, that I understood both very well: For, although my proper Employment had
been to be Surgeon or Doctor to the Ship, yet upon a Pinch, I was forced to work like a common Mariner. But I could not
see how this could be done in their Country, where the smallest Wherry was equal to a First-rate Man of War among us,
and such a Boat as I could manage would never live in any of their Rivers. Her Majesty said, if I would contrive a Boat, her
own Joiner should make it, and she would provide a Place for me to sail in. The Fellow was an ingenious Workman, and,
by my instructions, in ten Days finished a Pleasure-Boat, with all its Tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans.
When it was finished, the Queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in her Lap to the King, who ordered it to be put in a
Cistern full of Water, with me in it, by Way of Tryal; where I could not manage my two Sculls, or little Oars, for want of
Room. But the Queen had before contrived another Project. She ordered the Joiner to make a wooden Trough of three
hundred Foot long, fifty broad, and eight deep; which being well pitched to prevent leaking, was placed on the Floor along
the Wall, in an outer Room of the Palace. It had a cock near the Bottom to let out the Water when it began to grow stale,
and two Servants could easily fill it in half an Hour. Here I often used to row for my own Diversion, as well as that of the
Queen and her Ladies, who thought themselves well entertained with my Skill and Agility. Sometimes I would put up my
Sail, and then my Business was only to steer, while the Ladies gave me a Gale with their fans; and when they were weary,
some of the pages would blow my Sail forward with their Breath, while I showed my Art steering starboard or larboard as
I pleased. When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried my Boat into her Closet, and hung it on a Nail to dry.

In this Exercise I once met an Accident which had like to have cost me my Life: For, one of the Pages having put my Boat
into the Trough, the Governess, who attended Glumdalclitch very officiously lifted me up to place me in the Boat, but I
happened to slip through her Fingers, and should have infallibly fallen down forty Foot upon the Floor, if by the luckiest
Chance in the World, I had not been stopp'd by a Corking-pin that stuck in the good Gentlewoman's Stomacher; the Head
of the Pin passed between my Shirt and the Waistband of my Breeches, and thus I was held by the Middle in the Air till
Glumdalclitch ran to my Relief.

Another Time, one of the Servants, whose Office it was to fill my Trough every third Day with fresh Water, was so careless
to let a huge Frog (not perceiving it) slip out of his Pail. The Frog lay concealed till I was put into my Boat, but then seeking
a resting Place, climbed up, and made it lean so much on one Side, that I was forced to balance it with all my Weight on the
other, to prevent overturning. When the Frog was got in, it hopped at once half the Length of the Boat, and then over my
Head, backwards and forwards, daubing my face and Clothes with its odious Slime. The Largeness of its Features made it
appear the most deformed Animal that can be conceived. However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it alone. I
banged it a good while with one of my Sculls, and at last forced it to leap out of the Boat.

But the greatest Danger I ever underwent in that Kingdom was from a Monkey, who belonged to one of the Clerks of the
Kitchen. Glumdalclitch had locked me up in her Closet, while she went somewhere upon Business, or a Visit. The
Weather being very warm, the Closet-Window was left open, as well as the Windows and the Door of my bigger Box, in
which I usually lived, because of its Largeness and Conveniency. As I sat quietly meditating at my Table, I heard something
bounce in at the Closet-Window, and skip about from one Side to the other; whereat, although I was much alarmed, yet I
ventured to look out, but not stirring from my Seat; and then I saw this frolicksome Animal, frisking and leaping up and
down, till at last he came to my Box, which he seemed to view with great Pleasure and Curiosity, peeping in at the Door
and every Window. I retreated to the farther Corner of my Room, or Box, but the Monkey looking in at every Side, put me
into such a Fright, that I wanted Presence of Mind to conceal my self under the Bed, as I might easily have done. After
some Time spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at last espied me, and reaching one of his Paws in at the Door, as a
Cat does when she plays with a Mouse, although I often shifted Place to avoid him, he at Length seized the Lappet of my
Coat (which being made of that Country Cloth, was very thick and strong,) and dragged me out. He took me up in his right
Fore-foot, and held me as a Nurse does a Child she is going to suckle, just as I have seen the same sort of Creature do
with a Kitten in Europe: And when I offered to struggle, he squeezed me so hard, that I thought it more prudent to submit. I
have good Reason to believe that he took me for a young one of his own Species, by his often stroaking my Face very
gently with his other Paw. In these Diversions he was interrupted by a Noise at the Closet Door, as if some Body were
opening it; whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the Window at which he had come in, and thence upon the Leads and
Gutters, walking upon three Legs, and holding me in the fourth, till he clamber'd up to a Roof that was next to ours. I heard
Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the Moment he was carrying me out. The poor Girl was almost distracted: That Quarter of
the Palace was all in an uproar; the Servants ran for Ladders; the Monkey was seen by hundreds in the Court, sitting upon
the Ridge of a Building, holding me like a Baby in one of his Fore-paws, and feeding me with the other, by cramming into
my Mouth some Victuals he had squeezed out of the Bag on one side of his Chaps, and patting me when I would not eat;
whereat many of the Rabble below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think they justly ought to be blamed, for without
Question the Sight was ridiculous enough to every Body but my self. Some of the People threw up Stones, hoping to drive
the Monkey down; but this was strictly forbidden, or else very probably my Brains had been dashed out.

The Ladders were now applied, and mounted by several Men, which the Monkey observing, and finding himself almost
encompassed: not being able to make Speed enough with his three Legs, let me drop on a Ridge-Tyle, and made his
Escape. Here I sat for some Time, three hundred Yards from the Ground, expecting every Moment to be blown down by
the Wind, or to fall by my own Giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the Ridge to the Eves: But an honest Lad,
one of my Nurse's Footmen, climbed up, and putting me into his Breeches Pocket, brought me down safe.

I was almost choaked with the filthy Stuff the Monkey had crammed down my Throat: but my dear little Nurse picked it out
of my Mouth with a small Needle, and then I fell to vomiting, which gave me great Relief. Yet I was so weak, and bruised
in the Sides with the Squeezes given me by this odious Animal, that I was forced to keep my Bed a Fortnight. The King,
Queen, and all the Court, sent every Day to enquire after my Health, and her Majesty made me several Visits during my
Sickness. The Monkey was killed, and an Order made that no such Animal should be kept about the Palace.

When I attended the King after my Recovery, to return him Thanks for his Favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal
upon this Adventure. He asked me what my Thoughts and Speculations were while I lay in the Monkey's Paw; how I liked
the Victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding; and whether the fresh Air on the Roof had sharpen'd my Stomack. He
desired to know what I would have done upon such an Occasion my own Country. I told his Majesty, that in Europe we
had no Monkeys, except such as were brought for Curiosities from other Places, and so small that I could deal with a
Dozen of them together, if they presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous Animal with whom I was so lately
engaged (it was indeed as large as an Elephant,) if my Fears had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my Hanger,
(looking fiercely and clapping my Hand upon the Hilt as I spoke,) when he poked his Paw into my Chamber, perhaps I
should have given him such a Wound, as would have made him glad to withdraw it, with more haste than he put it in. This I
delivered in a firm Tone, like a Person who was jealous lest his Honour* should be called in question. However, my
Speech produced nothing else besides a loud Laughter, which all the respect due to his Majesty from those about him could
not make them contain. This made me reflect how vain an attempt it is for a Man to endeavour doing himself Honour among
those who are out of all Degree of Equality or Comparison with him. And yet I have seen the Moral of my own Behaviour
very frequent in England since my Return, where a little contemptible Varlet, without the least Title to Birth, Person, Wit,
or common Sense, shall presume to look with Importance, and put himself upon a Foot with the greatest Persons of the
Kingdom.

I was every Day furnishing the Court with some ridiculous Story; and Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to Excess, yet
was arch enough to inform the Queen, whenever I committed any Folly that she thought would be diverting to her Majesty.
The Girl who had been out of Order, was carried by her Governess to take the Air about an Hour's Distance, or thirty
Miles from Town. They alighted out of the Coach near a small Foot-path in a Field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my
travelling Box, I went out of it to walk. There was a Cow-Dung in the Path, and I must needs try my Activity by attempting
to leap over it. I took a Run, but unfortunately jumped short, and found my self just in the Middle up to my Knees. I waded
through with some Difficulty, and one of the Footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his Handkerchief; for I was filthily
bemired, and my Nurse confined me to my Box till we returned home; where the Queen was soon informed of what had
passed, and the Footmen spread it about the Court; so that all the Mirth, for some Days, was at my Expense.