CHAPTER 14
"AS MY MIND grew calmer, the visions of Italy again returned with
their former glow of colouring; and I resolved on
quitting the kingdom for a time, in search of the cheerfulness, that naturally
results from a change of scene, unless we carry the barbed arrow with us, and
only see what we feel.
"During the period necessary to prepare for a long absence, I sent a supply
to pay my father's debts, and settled my brothers in eligible situations; but
my attention was not wholly engrossed by my family, though I do not think it
necessary to enumerate the common exertions of humanity. The manner
in which my uncle's property was settled, prevented me from making the addition
to the fortune of my surviving sister, that I could have wished; but I had
prevailed on him to bequeath her two thousand pounds, and she determined to
marry a lover, to whom she had been some time attached. Had it not been for
this engagement, I should have invited her to accompany me in my tour; and I
might have escaped the pit, so artfully dug in my path, when I was the least
aware of danger.
"I had thought of remaining in England, till I weaned my child; but
this state of freedom was too peaceful to last, and I had soon reason to wish to
hasten my departure. A friend of Mr. Venables, the
same attorney who had accompanied him in several excursions to hunt me from my
hiding places, waited on me to propose a reconciliation.
On my refusal, he indirectly advised me to make over to my husband--for husband
he would term him--the greater part of the property I had at command, menacing me
with continual persecution unless I complied, and that, as a last resort, he
would claim the child. I did not, though intimidated by the last insinuation,
scruple to declare, that I would not allow him to squander the money left to me
for far different purposes, but offered him five hundred pounds, if he would
sign a bond not to torment me any more. My maternal anxiety made me thus appear
to waver from my first determination, and probably suggested to him, or his
diabolical agent, the infernal plot, which has succeeded but too well.
"The bond was executed; still I was impatient to leave England.
Mischief hung in the air when we breathed the same; I wanted seas to divide us,
and waters to roll between, till he had forgotten that I had the means of
helping him through a new scheme. Disturbed by the late occurrences, I
instantly prepared for my departure. My only delay was waiting for a maid-servant,
who spoke French fluently, and had been warmly recommended to me. A valet I was
advised to hire, when I fixed on my place of residence for any time.
"My God, with what a light heart did I set out for Dover!--It was not my
country, but my cares, that I was leaving behind. My heart seemed to bound with the wheels, or rather appeared the centre on
which they twirled. I clasped you to my bosom, exclaiming 'And you will be safe--quite
safe--when--we are once on board the packet.--Would we were there!' I smiled at
my idle fears, as the natural effect of continual alarm; and I scarcely owned
to myself that I dreaded Mr. Venables's cunning, or
was conscious of the horrid delight he would feel, at forming stratagem after
stratagem to circumvent me. I was already in the snare--I never reached the
packet--I never saw thee more.--I grow breathless. I have scarcely patience to
write down the details. The maid--the plausible woman I had hired--put,
doubtless, some stupefying potion in what I ate or drank, the morning I left
town. All I know is, that she must have quitted the
chaise, shameless wretch! and taken (from my breast)
my babe with her. How could a creature in a female form see me caress thee, and
steal thee from my arms! I must stop, stop to repress
a mother's anguish; lest, in bitterness of soul, I imprecate the wrath of
heaven on this tiger, who tore my only comfort from me.
"How long I slept I know not; certainly many hours, for I woke at the close
of day, in a strange confusion of thought. I was probably roused to
recollection by some one thundering at a huge, unwieldy gate. Attempting to ask
where I was, my voice died away, and I tried to raise it in vain, as I have
done in a dream. I looked for my babe with affright; feared that it had fallen
out of my lap, while I had so strangely forgotten her; and, such was the vague
intoxication, I can give it no other name, in which I was plunged, I could not
recollect when or where I last saw you; but I sighed, as if my heart wanted
room to clear my head.
"The gates opened heavily, and the sullen sound of many locks and bolts
drawn back, grated on my very soul, before I was appalled by the creeking of the dismal hinges, as they closed after me. The
gloomy pile was before me, half in ruins; some of the aged trees of the avenue
were cut down, and left to rot where they fell; and as we approached some mouldering steps, a monstrous dog darted forwards to the
length of his chain, and barked and growled infernally.
"The door was opened slowly, and a murderous visage peeped out, with a
lantern. 'Hush!' he uttered, in a threatning
tone, and the affrighted animal stole back to his kennel. The door of the
chaise flew back, the stranger put down the lantern,
and clasped his dreadful arms around me. It was certainly the effect of the
soporific draught, for, instead of exerting my strength, I sunk without motion,
though not without sense, on his shoulder, my limbs refusing to obey my will. I
was carried up the steps into a close-shut hall. A candle flaring in the socket, scarcely dispersed the darkness, though it displayed
to me the ferocious countenance of the wretch who held me.
"He mounted a wide staircase. Large figures painted on the walls
seemed to start on me, and glaring eyes to meet me at every turn. Entering a long
gallery, a dismal shriek made me spring out of my conductor's arms, with I know
not what mysterious emotion of terror; but I fell on the floor, unable to
sustain myself.
"A strange-looking female started out of one of the recesses, and observed
me with more curiosity than interest; till, sternly bid retire, she flitted
back like a shadow. Other faces, strongly marked, or distorted, peeped through
the half-opened doors, and I heard some incoherent sounds. I had no distinct
idea where I could be--I looked on all sides, and almost doubted whether I was alive
or dead.
"Thrown on a bed, I immediately sunk into insensibility again; and next
day, gradually recovering the use of reason, I began, starting affrighted from
the conviction, to discover where I was confined—I insisted on seeing the
master of the mansion--I saw him--and perceived that I was buried alive.--
"Such, my child, are the events of thy mother's life to this dreadful moment--Should
she ever escape from the fangs of her enemies, she will add the secrets of her
prison-house--and--"
Some lines were here crossed out, and the memoirs broke off abruptlywith the names of Jemima and Darnford.