Mary still
continued weak and low, though it was spring, and all nature began to look gay;
with more than usual brightness the sun shone, and a little robin which she had
cherished during the winter sung one of his best songs. The family
were particularly civil this fine morning, and tried to prevail on her
to walk out. Any thing like kindness melted her; she consented.
Softer
emotions banished her melancholy, and she directed her steps to the habitation
she had rendered comfortable.
Emerging out
of a dreary chamber, all nature looked cheerful; when she had last walked out,
snow covered the ground, and bleak winds pierced her
through and through: now the hedges were green, the blossoms adorned the trees,
and the birds sung. She reached the dwelling, without being much exhausted and
while she rested there, observed the children sporting on the grass, with
improved complexions. The mother with tears thanked her deliverer, and pointed
out her comforts. Mary's tears flowed not only from sympathy, but a
complication of feelings and recollections the affections which bound her to
her fellow creatures began again to play, and reanimated nature. She observed
the change in herself, tried to account for it, and wrote with her pencil a
rhapsody on sensibility.
"Sensibility
is the most exquisite feeling of which the human soul is susceptible: when it
pervades us, we feel happy; and could it last unmixed,
we might form some conjecture of the bliss of those paradisiacal days, when the
obedient passions were under the dominion of reason, and the impulses of the
heart did not need correction.
"It is
this quickness, this delicacy of feeling, which enables us to relish the
sublime touches of the poet, and the painter; it is this, which expands the
soul, gives an enthusiastic greatness, mixed with tenderness, when we view the
magnificent objects of nature; or hear of a good action. The same effect we
experience in the spring, when we hail the returning sun,
and the consequent renovation of nature; when the flowers unfold themselves,
and exhale their sweets, and the voice of music is heard in the land. Softened
by tenderness; the soul is disposed to be virtuous. Is
any sensual gratification to be compared to that of feelings the eves moistened
after having comforted the unfortunate?
"Sensibility
is indeed the foundation of all our happiness; but these raptures are unknown
to the depraved sensualist, who is only moved by what strikes his gross senses;
the delicate embellishments of nature escape his notice; as do the gentle and
interesting affections.—But it is only to be felt; it
escapes discussion."
She then
returned home, and partook of the family meal, which was rendered more cheerful
by the presence of a man, past the meridian of life, of polished manners, and
dazzling wit. He endeavoured to draw Mary out, and
succeeded; she entered into conversation, and some of her artless flights of
genius struck him with surprise; he found she had a
capacious mind, and that her reason was as profound as her imagination was lively.
She glanced from earth to heaven, and caught the light of truth. Her expressive
countenance shewed what passed in her mind, and her tongue was ever the faithful interpreter of
her heart; duplicity never threw a shade over her words or actions. Mary found
him a man of learning; and the exercise of her understanding would frequently
make her forget her griefs, when nothing else could,
except benevolence.
This man had
known the mistress of the house in her youth; good nature induced him to visit
her; but when he saw Mary he had another inducement. Her appearance, and above
all, her genius, and cultivation of mind, roused his curiosity; but her
dignified manners had such an effect on him, he was
obliged to suppress it. He knew men, as well as books; his conversation was
entertaining and improving. In Mary's company he doubted whether heaven was
peopled with spirits masculine; and almost forgot that he had called the sex
"the pretty play things that render life tolerable."
He had been
the slave of beauty, the captive of sense; love he ne'er had felt; the mind
never rivetted the chain, nor had the purity of it
made the body appear lovely in his eyes. He was humane, despised meanness; but
was vain of his abilities, and by no means a useful member of society. He talked
often of the beauty of virtue; but not having any solid foundation to build the
practice on, he was only a shining, or rather a sparkling character: and though
his fortune enabled him to hunt down pleasure, he was
discontented.
Mary
observed his character, and wrote down a train of reflections, which these
observations led her to make; these reflections received a tinge from her mind;
the present state of it, was that kind of painful
quietness which arises from reason clouded by disgust; she had not yet learned
to be resigned; vague hopes agitated her.
"There
are some subjects that are so enveloped in clouds, as you dissipate one,
another overspreads it. Of this kind are our reasonings
concerning happiness; till we are obliged to cry out with the Apostle, That it hath not entered into the heart of man to
conceive in what it could consist, or how satiety could be prevented. Man
seems formed for action, though the passions are seldom
properly managed; they are either so languid as not to serve as a spur, or else
so violent, as to overleap all bounds.
"Every
individual has its own peculiar trials; and anguish, in one shape or other,
visits every heart. Sensibility produces flights of virtue; and not curbed by
reason, is on the brink of vice talking, and even thinking of virtue.
"Christianity
can only afford just principles to govern the wayward feelings and impulses of
the heart: every good disposition runs wild, if not transplanted into this
soil; but how hard is it to keep the heart diligently, though convinced that
the issues of life depend on it.
"It is
very difficult to discipline the mind of a thinker, or reconcile him to the weakness, the inconsistency of his understanding;
and a still more laborious task for him to conquer his passions, and learn to seek
content, instead of happiness. Good dispositions, and virtuous propensities,
without the light of the Gospel, produce eccentric characters: comet-like, they
are always in extremes; while revelation resembles the laws of attraction, and
produces uniformity; but too often is the attraction feeble; and the light so
obscured by passion, as to force the bewildered soul to fly into void space,
and wander in confusion."