Mary was
allowed to pay the rent which gave her so much uneasiness, and she exerted
every nerve to prevail on her father effectually to succour
the family; but the utmost she could obtain was a small sum very inadequate to
the purpose, to enable the poor woman to carry into execution a little scheme
of industry near the metropolis.
Her
intention of leaving that part of the country, had
much more weight with him, than Mary's arguments, drawn from motives of
philanthropy and friendship; this was a language he did not understand;
expressive of occult qualities he never thought of, as
they could not be seen or felt.
After the
departure of her mother, Ann still continued to languish, though she had a
nurse who was entirely engrossed by the desire of amusing her. Had her health
been re-established, the time would have passed in a tranquil, improving
manner.
During the
year of mourning they lived in retirement; music, drawing, and reading, filled
up the time; and Mary's taste and judgment were both improved by contracting a
habit of observation, and permitting the simple beauties of Nature to occupy
her thoughts.
She had a
wonderful quickness in discerning distinctions and combining ideas,
that at the first glance did not appear to be similar. But these various
pursuits did not banish all her cares, or carry off all
her constitutional black bile. Before she enjoyed Ann's society, she imagined
it would have made her completely happy: she was disappointed, and yet knew not
what to complain of.
As her
friend could not accompany her in her walks, and wished to be alone, for a very
obvious reason, she would return to her old haunts, retrace her anticipated
pleasures—-and wonder how they changed their colour
in possession, and proved so futile.
She had not
yet found the companion she looked for. Ann and she were not
congenial minds, nor did she contribute to her comfort in the degree she
expected. She shielded her from poverty; but this was only a negative blessing;
when under the pressure it was very grievous, and
still more so were the apprehensions; but when when exempt from them, she was not contented.
Such is
human nature, its laws were not to be inverted to gratify our heroine, and stop
the progress of her understanding, happiness only flourished in paradise—we
cannot taste and live.
Another year
passed away with increasing apprehensions. Ann had a hectic cough, and many unfavourable prognostics: Mary then forgot every thing but
the fear of losing her, and even imagined that her recovery would have made her
happy.
Her anxiety
led her to study physic, and for some time she only read books of that cast;
and this knowledge, literally speaking, ended in vanity and vexation of spirit,
as it enabled her to foresee what she could not prevent.
As her mind
expanded, her marriage appeared appeared
a dreadful misfortune; she was sometimes reminded of the heavy yoke, and bitter
was the recollection!
In one thing
there seemed to be a sympathy between them, for she wrote formal answers to his
as formal letters. An extreme dislike took root in her mind; the found of his
name made her turn sick; but she forgot all, listening to Ann's cough, and
supporting her languid frame. She would then catch her to her bosom with
convulsive eagerness, as if to save her from sinking into an opening grave.